babies

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a

>>>surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father

>>>was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, "Well, I'm

>>>off now. The man should be here soon."

>>>

>>>

>>>Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer

>>>happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.

>>>

>>>

>>>"Good morning, Ma'am," he said, "I've come to...''

>>>

>>>

>>>"Oh, no need to explain," Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, "I've been

>>>expecting you."

>>>

>>>

>>>"Have you really?" said the photographer. "Well, that's good. Did you

>>>know babies are my specialty?"

>>>

>>>

>>>"Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have

>>>a seat.

>>>

>>>

>>>After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"

>>>

>>>

>>>"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the

>>>couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room

>>>floor is fun.

>>>

>>>

>>>You can really spread out there."

>>>

>>>

>>>"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry

>>>and me!"

>>>

>>>

>>>Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we

>>>>try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles,

>>>I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."

>>>

>>>

>>>"My, that's a lot!" gasped Mrs. Smith.

>>>

>>>

>>>"Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be

>>>in and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with

>>>that."

>>>

>>>

>>>"Don't I know it," said Mrs. Smith quietly.

>>>

>>>

>>>The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of

>>>his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus," he said.

>>>

>>>

>>>"Oh my God!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.

>>>

>>>

>>>"And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider

>>>their mother was so difficult to work with."

>>>

>>>

>>>"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.

>>>

>>>

>>>"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the

>>>job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get

>>>a good look."

>>>

>>>

>>>"Four and five deep?" said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.

>>>

>>>

>>>"Yes," the photographer replied, "and, for more than three hours,

>>>too."

>>>

>>>

>>>The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly

>>>concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots.

>>>Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to

>>>pack

>>>it all in."

>>>

>>>

>>>Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "Do you mean they actually chewed on your,

>>>um, equipment?"

>>>

>>>

>>>"It's true, Ma'am, yes.

>>>

>>>

>>>Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work

>>>right away."

>>>

>>>

>>>"Tripod?"

>>>

>>>

>>>"Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much

>>>too big to be held in the hand very long."

>>>

>>>

>>>Mrs. Smith fainted.