Coloureds in Heaven

THE ANGEL GABRIEL CAME TO THE LORD AND SAID,
"I HAVE TO TALK TO YOU, I HAVE COLOURED FOLKS UP HERE
IN HEAVEN WHO ARE CAUSING SOME PROBLEMS.

THEY ARE ALWAYS FIGHTING WITH EACH OTHER, THREATENING
AND SWEARING... REALLY THE MOST VULGAR LANGUAGE AND THEY
KEEP SAYING "AWHEH, BRUDDAH!" AND CALLING
ME: "EXS? MY BROE!"

THEY ARE ALSO SWINGING ON THE PEARLY GATES; SOMEONE HAS SCRAWLED "JOU MA SE.... " ON THE PILLAR, MY HORN
HAS BEEN SMOKED, BRAAI SAUCE IS ALL OVER THEIR ROBES, PORK SHANK, SPARERIB, CHICKEN BONES AND PAPSAKKE ARE ALL OVER THE STREETS OF GOLD.
SOME OF THEM ARE WALKING AROUND DRUNK, WITH ONE WING.

THEY HAVE BEEN LATE TAKING THEIR TURN TO KEEP THE STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN CLEAN AND BOTTLENECKS HAVE BEEN FOUND UNDER THE FIRST FLIGHT. THERE ARE WATERMELON SEEDS ALL OVER THE CLOUDS AND DRY SALTED SNOEK HANGING FROM THE PEARLY GATES. SOME OF THEM AREN'T EVEN WEARING THEIR HALOS, SAYING, "IT IS MESSING UP THEIR RELAXED HAIR." OTHERS ARE WEARING THEM BUT IN A HALF COCKED FASHION ON THE VERY TOP OF THEIR HEADS.

THE LORD SAID, "I MADE THEM SPECIAL, AS I DID YOU, MY
ANGEL. HEAVEN IS HOME TO ALL MY CHILDREN. IF YOU REALLY WANT TO KNOW ABOUT PROBLEMS, LET'S CALL THE DEVIL".
THE DEVIL ANSWERED THE PHONE, "HELLO? LORD, JUST
HOLD ON."

THE DEVIL RETURNED TO THE PHONE AND SAID, "HELLO LORD,
WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?"

THE LORD REPLIED, "TELL ME WHAT KIND OF PROBLEMS YOU
ARE HAVING DOWN THERE IN HELL."

THE DEVIL SAID, "WAIT ONE MINUTE, " AND PUT
THE LORD ON HOLD.

AFTER 5 MINUTES HE RETURNED TO THE PHONE, AND SAID, "OKAY,
I'M BACK. WHAT WAS THE QUESTION?"

THE LORD SAID, "WHAT KIND OF PROBLEMS ARE YOU HAVING
DOWN THERE ?"

THE DEVIL SAID, "MAN, I DON'T BELIEVE THIS....
HOLD ON, LORD".

THIS TIME THE DEVIL WAS GONE FOR 15 MINUTES.

THE DEVIL RETURNED AND SAID, "I'M SORRY LORD,
I CAN'T TALK RIGHT NOW. THESE COLOUREDS PUT THE FIRE
OUT, FITTED A SOUND SYSTEM AND ARE NOW TRYING TO INSTALL
AIR CONDITIONING!"